Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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