I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
