Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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