there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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