he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my being single is dangerous.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
