Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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