we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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