I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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