i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
