I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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