Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
