Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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