How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
