Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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