Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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