Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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