so that wasnt chicken after all
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
