Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
foreskin is a definite game changer
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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