While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
