I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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