shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
