it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
