i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
