she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
