I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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