no, he came in my armpit
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
