Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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