I puked a lego.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
