Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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