i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
even my farts smell like vagina
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
