So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
