I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
