WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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