Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am available for nakedness
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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