Plan B is the new Plan A
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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