He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
