i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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