i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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