It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
As shirtless as possible
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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