I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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