....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
