I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
