You can't special order awesome
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
