So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
