If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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