Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
