who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
