I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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