You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
