Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
