Im at strip club and am horny
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
