yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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