then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
